So Healthy I Feel Guilty

I have lived my entire life feeling “less than” in terms of health – well, my entire adult life. Childhood was fine, other than treatments and hospitalizations. I really don’t ever remember feeling “sickly” despite having pulmonary bouts that sent me to the hole for 14 days at least 7 times before I was in Jr. High and started on home IVs.

Now that I’ve had my sinus surgery and was on oral and IV meds for the sinus epidemic in my body, I feel better than I have in over 8 years… maybe 12 years, no joke. My sinuses were compromising so much of my system, I’m not sure how I was coping with such a brazen infection.

And this leaves me feeling guilty.

I’ve got CFer friends on Facebook and Twitter who are fighting for their lives in their low 20s and 30s on the transplant list. Others just got their transplants. Others still are fighting daily hemoptysis that makes every day a risk assessment of their bleeding status.

I don’t have any of that. I’m blessed.

I have the resources to buy all of the meds and treatments I need (and now that Beautiful needs for her allergies), family support only 12 miles away if we need extra helping hands to get things done, a church family that was backing me up all the way before, during, and after surgery, and a freakishly resilient body that refuses to stay down when it gets kicked to the dirt.

What am I going to do with this blessing?

I’m not sure yet, but things are moving and working together to bring me to a position of being able to provide encouragement, knowledge, and maybe even support some day to those who are not as stable, happy, or healthy as I am.

Only time will tell what is going to come of all of this; this wonderful community that swarmed just because I started writing one day as I was trying to gain weight.