Back Home Already

For those of you who don’t notice or subscribe to the normal “holiday” of April Fool’s Day, that’s when this was written and what it was written for. It is so far over the top, if you’re not laughing your head off, there is something wrong and you should go get it checked out. Enjoy!

I’m back home already from this morning’s bionic lung transplant! Wow, these new lungs are AMAZING!! Since they basically are ventilators, they didn’t need to put me on a vent or anything when I came out, so recovery was just a matter of hours. Also, without having a lot of foreign tissue taking up a lot of space, they said the swelling they expect didn’t require putting in drainage tubes, so they sent me home after I could eat a meal and go to the bathroom.

I highly recommend bionic lungs! Here are a few things I’ve noticed or done since I woke up:

• I can sing the National Anthem in one breath.
• There is a certain face I can make that causes the lungs to sound off like humpback whales.
• When I jump up and down, they make a cartoon-like “boingy-boingy-boingy” noise.
• Running all the way home from the hospital was very exhilarating, especially with all of the construction.
• My vision is suddenly 20/20.
• My farts smell like roses.

Excuse me, but I’m going to go list all of my equipment on eBay now.