I didn’t always have CF.

You can ask Beautiful.

Of course, that’s ridiculous. I’ve always had CF – I just didn’t behave like I should have given reality. Treatments were an option based on how I felt at the time and how effective I thought they were. At the top of the list, and the only indication in lifestyle, was my definite need for enzymes. Even those would get snuck in at a meal without people being wise about what was going on. I had accepted that if I was going to need IVs every 6-9 months, why bother with all of the time, effort, and money to go crazy with treatments that, in my mind, may or may not be as effective as I deemed to be a worthwhile treatment.

I avoided stairs on campus whenever possible. I always seemed to have an excuse to not help someone with a physical task as simple as bringing something in from the car because I didn’t want to have a spaz. I didn’t remember what a semi-deep breath was like. I didn’t pay attention to my weight because it was depressing to weigh in under 110 and I had no idea how to look “normal.” I didn’t want to exercise because I felt like I couldn’t exercise (remember the part about stairs?). I wasn’t as happy; in fact, I may have actually been a bit of a drag at times. I am the eternal optimist to the point of being annoying, but I felt even that slipping away.

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If you’re married with cystic fibrosis, you’ve probably heard from your spouse something about how much you mean to them. I sure hope you have, or you’ve got something to talk about now. I’m one of those who’s heard this several times, but just not been able to make that “be enough” to enact the change I needed to make. Call me stubborn again. I’m not sure what it was that did it, but it was over about 36-48 hours that I decided it was time for a complete overhaul of what I was doing. Shoot, I’m going to hit an FEV₁ of 80%, right? Right!?

We still want to have kids, and you have to ask yourself if you want to be alive, be on the couch on oxygen, be like you are now, or if you want to be thriving. If there is anything you can do to thrive, would you do it? What if it’s as miserable as doing treatments every day, budgeting extra money for preventive care and high-calorie foods? We spend an extra $84 every month for my Boost Plus drinks. I remember when I couldn’t believe I was paying $40/mo for high speed Internet, which I used for a good 80 hours/week! That is what sacrifice looks like.
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